I was online today looking at the blogs as I always do. I came across a video of Lil’ Kim and Puff or Diddy or whatever he is calling himself these days performing All About the Benjamins in a club. Kimmy was dressed in all black like the omen as usual and I, of course flashed back to when I was 15 when this song came out, that was a long time ago. As I watched Lil’ Kim and only knew it was her because of her voice and not by her looks because she no longer resembles the Queen Bee whose posters I had hanging in my bedroom as a teenager, I barely recognize her. I’m not sure what she didn’t like about herself before but now she resembles Jocelyn Wildenstein. Let’s take a trip down memory lane shall we. Why? Because it’s Monday and I wanna rock out a lil bit. Also, because I thought Lil’ Kim was beautiful. What makes people change their entire face? Is it money, fame, access? What
Have I mentioned that I like to read before? I get on this kick where I will read several books back to back. Meaning I’m not watching tv, I’m eating, laying in bed, and walking around with books in my hand. Yea I’m one of those people. I stumbled across The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and of course I had to get The Mastery of Love too. Feel free to google either if you would like to get a synopsis or summary because there are tons out there. Here, are a couple of things that stood out to me.
Had an interesting conversation last night. And as it usually happens I’m curious as to what you think about you the topic. So, when it comes to love and relationships who is more delusional? Notice I’m saying more delusional because both men and women are delusional in how we fantasize about relationships. But, who does this more? Who is more likely to create this fantasy image in their head of the perfect person who does not exist. Who only sees what they want to see in their person their dating and hopes that all of the shit they can’t stand goes away? Who constructs the plan to lock down and change the person they’re with as the relationship progresses? Which one is the guilty party? Is it men or women? Most men would say of course it’s women. Because of course “she” has been trying to change me since the day she met me. However, they neglect to remember they have been trying to get their women to unleash their inner freak all the while trying to domesticate them. And yes, I am choosing the word domesticate intentionally because animals are domesticated and we are not animals to be trained to keep your homes cleaned and prepare your meals.
So who is more crazy because clearly we both are. Are the women who try to change the cheating men nuts. The girls who go through their man’s phone find the side chicks numbers, text them and say stay away, marry them, have their babies, only to continue to battle his harem. Are these the delusional ones? Because clearly you saw this coming? Clearly you knew this man was not capable of being in a monogamous relationship pre-marriage, pre-baby, all of the signs were there. Or, is the man who was unhappy, not satisfied sexually, and left with the feeling of I guess this is as a good as it gets but maybe things will get better crazy?
Is it a lack of maturity that makes us believe that the craziness, the underwhelming blahness, the lack of happiness, the monotony, the lack of spice, the infidelity, the disrespect, or the lack of connection/ chemistry will improve once we are deep in the trenches of life? As adults we know that if shit is bad or lets say mediocre in the beginning the likelihood of it improving is slim to none and that’s not being pessimistic that’s being realistic. In the beginning stages of a relationship, everything is fresh, it’s a honeymoon, this is when your relationship should be shining because guess what life has not even begun to kick your ass yet. So, to all of the people like myself who have “honeymooned” in cloudy weather and thought that your relationship would get better the further in you got only to get slapped in the face with a wake up call, Hi! Hindsight is as we all know 20/20.
I would really appreciate some help from all of you. What does “What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained” mean? I mean, I see that all the time, on instagram in comments sections when people post pictures. If someone could please explain that would be great.HELP ME!
Hunger Games Season is upon us at last. The conclusion of the series will take place in theaters this fall and the latest preview for the Mockingjay Part 2 has been been released and people are pissed. Well maybe pissed is too strong a word. Or, maybe it’s not because we all know how we get. And by we I mean all of us who get wrapped up in these series like Twilight, Divergent- the series, Game of Thrones, um even Harry Potter, all the book to movies. So, I’m confused when people are upset because they feel like too much has been revealed before the release of the movie. Ummm, didn’t you read the book? We all go to these movies knowing exactly what is going to happen, I mean literally exactly what is going to happen and just wanting to see how it will be captured on screen like if they will do it justice compared to how we imagined it. So, why are people so angry right now about the latest preview for the Mockingjay Part 2? Are these people who didn’t read the series because I am aware that there are those of you out there as well.
Oftentimes when we date or marry and then break up the fall out is tragic. It’s like watching a train wreck or a really bad car accident. You know this couple or eek, you’ve been apart of this couple. The details of the split are gossiped about everywhere. The dirt is slung, all the dirty laundry aired, who refused to give oral and on which occasions, you’ve seen it. Both parties may rush to date and then rush to social media to share the news, eureka they have found the one. Cuz that piece of shit they had before was the worst. They stalk their ex and their exes new love because they can’t really be happy because anything other than them is a downgrade. They spend their days and nights obsessing about who and what their old love who they no longer need is doing. The world watches on in horror, pearls clutched at this tragedy because clearly the mud slinging is an indication of a major grudge.
So, how do you do it? How do you move on with your dignity intact? How do you refrain to stooping down to middle school tactics to illicit jealousy and tantrums? Here’s something’s to try:
1. Ignore all negativity from your ex. Don’t be baited into an argument. I like to call it the blank stare lol. If you are required to speak to your ex due to litigation or children and they attempt to engage you in irrelevant emotional bullshit, blank stare or go mute. Don’t respond. They are emotional and attempting to illicit an emotional response from you. But guess what, that’s the shit you participated in during your relationship, and probably one of the things you are thanking God you are no longer required to engage in. Count your blessings and 😶.
2. Refrain from all physical altercations. This is directed to men especially. I’m learning that when some women (the crazy ones) are rejected they resort to violence. Stay away. Don’t put yourself in a position to be assaulted. Women, men’s pride and ego are very sensitive. They kill their spouses when they are backed into a corner. Be careful.
3. Stay off the internet. If your new relationship isn’t real until it hits social media then please find another way to feel validated. Give yourself and your new relationship some time before you post couples selfies with soulmate caption. Otherwise we’ll all be watching the saga play out again in a few months.
4. Everyone doesn’t need to know your business. Running your mouth makes you look bitter and crazy. Confide in a few trusted friends who will be honest with you.
5. Which brings me to the big one. Be real with yourself. If it’s over, let it be over. Refrain from cooking up scenarios in your head where you and your lost love are stranded on a desert island and reunited by the pull of the earth axis. Read a book, get a hobby, and get some business about yourself.
She…..Her…. makes me complete. I have been happy many instances in my life,however, when im with her….there is no comparison. When having a child / becoming a first-time parent, I believe that is the very instance when you begin to understand what real unconditional love is. After having a child I thought that the level of love and happiness would never amount or even come close to the level of love you experience or you feel when you look at your own child.But I guess love has no limits when it hits you. Her, she, my 1 …..you make me happy and blissful. I feel like a lil kid anticipating Christmas when I know im going to see you. You make me feel like all is well in da world. This is something I haven’t felt in long time. You ….my friend are my 1, My strength and the one I wanna be with for the duration of my existence. ….I guess im saying you complete me….moreso…..im saying I Love U. IMMENSELY! !!!
No one likes disappointment. But it is much needed. With disappointment or failure comes an opportunity to become stronger. Disappointment allows for self development and a look into who you are and how you deal with life when it throws an obstacle at you. This is a period self reflection, and struggle as you try to assess how to bounce back, understand what lessons are being taught or were gained in the midst of the journey that lead to disappointing result. But in lookin at the road …. we should take a step back and have an objective look to see all that you have learned and recognize that one has grown during that journey. And up until you experienced the disappointment you may have not realized all the work, self development, discipline, and effort you endured. That in itself is /are accomplishments gained wether you had that desirable result or not.
Therefore i say all this to say that in everything you do there are accomplishments , gains and lessons….that we tend to overlook. But if we take the time to really reflect…we should be cognizant and see the positives in all that we do or have done along the way even if the results are not those that were desired. All this isnt or wasnt done in vain but …done with gain.
If you don’t feel it in your bones….it ain’t love.
It you’re not getting those nervous butterflies and excitement when you think about , speak, or with that special someone even after dating/being together for years..then it probably isn’t love.
True love is and will make you grow in unimaginable ways. It will inspire you, motivate you, change you, show you consistency due to their actions . True love will make you completely vulnerable.
And if it isn’t doing any of the aforementioned things for you, then do yourself a favor……become like princess Elsa and Let it fucking go…because it isn’t true love!
I frequently come across blogs that give tips on how to survive a long distance relationship, hell we wrote one ourselves on a day when I was feeling particularly sarcastic and moody during a 6 month waiting period of seeing each other. Among some of the things I have seen are you’re lucky you don’t have to keep up appearances to look presentable on a daily basis for your significant other, huh. Or, high tail it and run because long distance is the worse but since I read this stuff all of the time, literally constantly I will share some of the best advice I have seen.
1. Be committed. Being in a long distance relationship is not for the faint at heart. So if you are not truly in it for the long haul, break up. Make sure that both of you are on the same page. Make sure that you both know what you want, and that should be each other.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Talk, email, write, Skype, text, video chat when at all possible. This is all you got so you better utilize the hell out of your tools. Be aware that some things can be lost in translation, so when texting or emailing or any other form of communication where you can’t hear someone’s tone of voice, be aware that you can misinterpret what they mean or you can be misinterpreted, and a shit storm may follow because of it. So you must always be willing to….
3. Never be afraid to say you’re sorry. And mean it. If you’ve never been wrong before in your whole entire life, like ever. If everything is someone else’s fault. If you always have to point the finger at someone else, refuse to apologize, learn how to reflect, own your shit, and apologize because all it takes for your relationship to be over is for someone to stop responding.
4. Respect each other enough to tell the truth. If it’s not working, say that. If you’re over it, say that too. If it feels like too much of a sacrifice, say it. Give each other the right to move on and not be stuck in limbo.
5. Know yourself. Be aware of what you’re triggers are and how you’re going to react. Because you spend so much time alone in your own head it’s important to be aware of when your frustration levels are tipping over the edge.
6. Make plans to see each other as often as possible. Who cares if it’s 3-6 months out, if that is all that is possible, as long as you have something to look forward to.
7. Have an end game, meaning how long can you keep this up realistically? Figure it out and move on, readjust the plan, if need be, but have an end in sight.
8. Be yourself. Since you’re in a long distance relationship you tend to get all the shiny parts of your partner most of the time. The longer you’re in it all of the annoying stuff starts to pop out too. That’s good, both of you should be able to relax and be your genuine self which will set a solid foundation.
9. Have lots of sex! When you do get together feel free to um “honeymoon” for hours. After all you miss out. And not just on sex but on hand holding, face rubbing, hugs, cuddling all of those things you would be able to do on a daily basis if you weren’t long distance. So join at the hip and live in bliss for however long you can until you have to part again.